When I first decided to relaunch my blog and was about to write the first sentence, I found myself hearing a lot of voices. The loudest one was my friend fear speaking.
I know the voice of FEAR all too well. My fear has always been like a jealous non- supportive friend that I can’t seem to fully get rid of, for some reason. Sometimes I’ll go a day without hearing from her and be on cloud nine, and then all of a sudden my phone vibrates and she’s acting like a physic ex BF spinning shit left, right and center. Like physic ex BFs, FEAR is best acknowledged but ignored while you continue to do whatever it is you want to be doing; life too short to listen to unsupportive friends like FEAR.
So why is my friend FEAR here while I type these words to you. Well… I’ll tell you why — she’s showed that there’s a deeper, bigger picture, a big scary dream behind this whole relaunching of my blog thing and that’s my dream of writing a BOOK, and my friend FEAR is all over this book dream thing like some kind of rash.
So for a girl who has a goal and desire to write a book, you’d think I love writing (which I do), but if I LOVE it where did all this writing fear come from?
I’ve loved writing since before I can remember. I started off with poetry when I was young. It was a way of expressing my deepest thoughts and worked kind of like therapy for me. I was good at poetry, I even won a few awards for my poems but I soon ignored this passion of mine as I found myself deeper and deeper in the modern day school system.
My schooling taught me that I had poor spelling, bad grammar and unrefined sentence structure. My old English teacher once told me,” You, Rochelle, are a bad writer and should not write; stick to speaking”. To write anything worth reading, I was told I needed to put aside being creative and expressive and focus on fixing my weaknesses. Yeah, that was real advice from a real teacher. This advice, while somewhat valid, was not much help because I had dyslexia like my mother and at this point in my life no one had diagnosed it, so getting better at spelling was a little more challenging than everyone made it out to be. What had really happened is my teachers had bestowed on me a negative belief system related to this whole writing thing, which gradually lead me to believe I sucked so I gave it up.
Since leaving school, I tried to get back into writing a bunch of times, but my creative stories and old blog posts came with lots of spellchecking which was always passed onto family, friends and BFs in my life. These people, while loving and mostly supportive, soon became tired of being ‘employed’ as human proofreaders, which left me with no one to check my ramblings other than a real proofreader that a few years ago I could not afford. All of this just reinforced my now stronger than ever belief system that I, Rochelle, am a bad writer. Writing is complicated and stressful, and therefore, Rochelle, you should not write.
The funny thing is that even though the physical art of writing stopped in my life, the ideas never did. In fact, the less I write the more ideas seem to build up, the more book chapters I write in my mind and the more book and blog post titles I scribble down on my notepad. And then there’s this VOICE, the voice of my friend LOVE, who regularly battles with my friend FEAR and she keeps telling me to start again.
So here I am taking the first step towards restarting my blog, not just of pretty pictures but of words. Does writing again scare me? Hell yeah, it does. But I know enough now that life is too short to listen to my friend FEAR and I should always just choose LOVE.
So I wanted to ask you… Is there…? I want to leave you here to ponder when in your life you had your FEAR overcome LOVE and how can you change that and choose you dear friend LOVE over FEAR?
Welcome to the ramblings of my young fox mind. I hope you stay a while and subscribe.
Love Rochelle xox