It wasn’t until this year during my month long Yoga Teacher training in Bali that I realised that i was shit scared and totally confused about my future. It was during a guided meditation that my Yoga teacher Anita lead, that it really hit me like a ton of bricks. There I was, lying in Bali looking at the stars, ready for a blissful guided meditation to zen me out instead i just ended up freaking out as what I thought was going to be a simple breath meditation turned into a meditation where we where all asked to VISUALIZE our future- “Cool” I thought, this will be fun, I create my reality so I am a pro at these, but then when I started the process I cracked. Anita asked us to visualise our ideal life a month from now, then two months, five months, one year, 5 years. I was blank. My future…was blank.
During this exact time i was on a break with my long time boyfriend Chris- A sort of self discovery ‘you do your thing I’ll do mine’ kind of break. Not because we didn’t madly and deeply love one another, but just because well, a girl’s gotta find herself by herself for herself and that’s what I was doing. I am sure you will agree that being on a break from your partner clouds things a little, but I was more than clouded, I was experiencing a thunder storm in my head of mixed emotions, confusion and hail, that made it impossible to see anything ahead. It was a feeling I never knew I had until I was asked to explore it and I wanted nothing more than to un-discover the emotions and confusion I had dug up during that meditation.
As a person I’ve always been fairly directional, I’ve had goals and plans and big ideas and I’ve worked towards creating them into my reality. My life Motto is “I Create My Own Reality” and I pride myself on creating my future for myself everyday, but that night in bali taught me something… Sometimes you might not know what you want to create. Sometimes you’re blank and scared and you are confused and that’s okay.
The feeling of not knowing what the future has in store for you leaves you wide open to be CREATIVE, to truely create your desires into your reality from the ground up. It wasn’t until I was in Santorini the other week where these photos were taken, that I noticed I was truly creating again without fear or confusion. I was sitting there overlooking the horizon of a place I had always dreamt of visiting in my reality and here I was looking at it.
While I am back knowing what I want, where I want to be and truly going for it I wanted to write this to you and let you know that if one day you’re shit scared of the future, it’s okay. I’ve been there, like all emotions and feelings please know this too shall pass. You have so much to look forward to and you can create what ever you want from a blank canvas, so take a breath, imagine your wildest dreams and start creating your reality one step, and one thought at a time.
Love and light
x Rochelle Fox
Wearing all white everything- Kivari The Label